Journey to the Photography Lifestyle Pt.2

I quit. . . Now what?

Sitting at home is no fun without a direction to follow.

January 2015

I’m still not sure what exactly I want to do as a profession but I know that I have to press forward. I have to figure it out in some way, but how? I’m so frustrated. I chose to not attend college, and why? Why was that a great decision that I made?

Even if I had gone to college I would be just as lost as I am at this point. It would have been a degree in something that I have absolutely no interest in at all. I was going through too many things in life in high school as well as post high school. I decided to pursue self love and understanding before I could have the mental calmness that I need to focus in any type of school. And I don’t believe in randomized degrees, so I know why I didn’t go.

What business ideas have I always had dreams of pursuing? Carpentry? No, I only had dreams of building a Carpentry company for my step father to help him build for retirement. Music production? No, you remember why you stopped writing and recording. Your resting thought patterns are still in pain, need to cure that first and you still need some time. Clothing? Yea, use to want to sell T-shirts . . .

Ok, as a kid I use to sell a bunch of random things. Coming out of Jr. high and into High School I was selling various different electronics. I had eventually gotten into selling NFL jerseys which at the time I was completely convinced that they were real, they very possibly weren’t but I wasn’t knowledgable enough in jerseys to know for myself so I kept selling them. That wasn’t too successful due to my charging prices. Then I met someone and started buying and selling shoes, shirts, woman’s clothing, and a bunch of random stuff. Loved it but it still didn’t go too well. There was something deeper that was wrong and it was hurting me inside.

Truth is that I didn’t have a great or even good home situation my whole life. So as I got older and especially into adult hood I devoted an enormous amount of my time into understanding why it happened the way it did. I’m still struggling to understand if that was a bad decision or not on my part. Part of me says, “why not, you learned so much not only about yourself but life as well.” Yea that’s nice and all but the other part of me says, “you could of used that time to build your career but you didn’t, now what?” So that’s the real reason why I had no clear answer for career path. At least that I have been willing to accept and see.

So, time went on. I decided to dive into each of those career possibilities and map them out. Carpentry, nope. No real love for it, or interest in it. Plus, had none of the tools and machinery for it so that was out of the question. Music? No. Still don’t have the inner peace I need for myself to feel comfortable enough to write and project myself effectively. Clothing? No, no industry knowledge, skills, or design ability to pull it off and it’s too subtle for me. I need a bigger umbrella but am struggling to imagine what it could be?

I stayed up many nights searching. . . .


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